The Voodoo Curse Of Birthday Ball

*To support Elm tradition, this week will feature April Fool’s Day themed articles*

A member of the SEB as a decoration for Birthday Ball

A member of the SEB as a decoration for Birthday Ball

Everyone probably remembers the Mardi Gras theme for Birthday Ball. However, you may not know of the voodoo curse that accompanied the ball. Remember the snowstorm that almost ruined Birthday Ball? Well, that was just part of the curse. How did the curse start you ask? The SEB is to blame. They ordered 25 authentic shrunken heads, which I have discovered to be the cause of the curse. As I investigated further, I found that the provider of the shrunken heads was a witch doctor from the amazon. How very suspicious!

If you have not noticed, the curse is still plaguing Washington College. A number of events have occurred, which I believe to be the curse at work. Since Birthday Ball, all the toilets in Harford Hall have stopped working. All the students have had to travel to the gym to shower and use the facilities. Many students have been suffering from the inability to turn to the left and these students have also reported missing shoelaces. The curse has also brought very strange weather to the Chestertown area. Finally, the voodoo curse shrunk several of the SEB employees’ heads! They were all mixed together in the decorations at Birthday Ball and are now in storage with the rest of the decorations.

Will the voodoo curse ever end? How do we reverse the curse? Unfortunately the curse will not end until next year’s Birthday Ball. We must be strong and try to avoid the curse at all costs. Try not to offend any witch doctors or be around other people and you should be protected from the curse. I will continue to investigate this curse and please report any curse-like incidents.

Burt Macklin

FBI

 

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